The Unwritten Rules of Sports -- Written

From the Seattle Post Intelligencer

Baseball
1.0. Don't embarrass yourself, your teammates or your opponent.

1.1. Never show up an umpire on balls and strikes.
1.2. Never steal a base when leading by a bunch of runs.
1.3. Never show up an opposing pitcher after hitting a home run off him.
1.4. Always run onto the field in support of your teammates or players after a fight breaks out.
1.45. Don't fraternize with opposing players.
1.45. (a) Players who don't run onto the field in support, or who fraternize with opposing players, shall be fined by a kangaroo court.
1.45. (b) Kangaroo courts shall exist in every major league clubhouse and operate by their own set of unwritten rules.

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Never lay down a bunt to break up a no-hitter.
2.2. When breaking up a double play, always go in with a clean slide.
2.3. Always throw a fastball on a 3-0 count.
2.35. Never swing at a 3-0 pitch when your team has a comfortable lead.
2.4. Never put the tying or go-ahead run on first base.
2.45. Unless you are playing the Giants and Barry Bonds represents the tying or go-ahead run.
2.5. Never make the first or third out of an inning at third base.
2.6 Always run out ground balls, even routine ones.
2.7. Never interrupt a pitcher's focus by talking to him before a start.
2.75. Applicable to broadcasters and players alike, never mention "no-hitter" when a pitcher has one working.
2.8. Never steal another team's signs -- or at least never get caught doing so.
2.9. Pitchers must work inside to keep opposing batters honest but must never throw at a batter's head.
2.95. Pitchers must retaliate for egregious acts committed by opposing pitchers.

Basketball
1.0. Don't embarrass yourself, your teammates or your opponent.

1.1. Don't make a display out of padding your stats.
1.15. Don't make a career out of padding your stats.
1.2. Don't dunk -- or attempt any shot -- in the final seconds when the opposing team has conceded defeat, nor hoist a 3-pointer with a 20-point lead in the final minute.
1.3. Don't use a full-court press when your lead is ridiculously large.

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Hit the open man, move the ball, fill the lanes, hustle back on defense, take a charge.

Football
1.0. Don't embarrass yourself, your teammates or your opponent.

1.1. Never call for an onside kick when leading by a lot of points.
1.15. Never call for a fake punt.
1.2. Always take a knee in the final moments when the game has been decided.
1.3. Always remove your starters when you have a big lead in the fourth quarter.
1.4. When you reach the end zone, pretend like you've been there before.

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Always establish the run.
2.2. Defense wins football games.
2.25. Football players make football plays.
2.3. Never take points off the scoreboard.

Golf
1.0. Don't do anything to embarrass yourself or your opponent.

1.1. Don't make yourself an easy target for the gallery.

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Never walk across a player's putting line.
2.2. Never putt the ball when your opponent has conceded the putt.
2.25. Don't make your opponent attempt a putt that you would want conceded.
2.3. Don't distract your opponent, at least not overtly.
2.4. Always repair ball marks on the green, even if they were not made by your ball.

Hockey
1.0. Don't do anything to embarrass yourself, your opponent or the game.

1.1. Don't celebrate an empty-net goal.

2.0. Play the game the right way.

2.1. Fighting is acceptable, but retribution with intent to injure is not.
2.15. Always observe Hammurabi's Code ("an eye for an eye”)
2.2. If you've got it coming to you, take your punishment.
2.3. Don't challenge players to a fight when wearing a visor.
2.35. If you're going to "dangle your gloves," you have to drop them -- don't fake it to draw your opponent into a penalty.
2.4. Always give your goalie's pads a tap with your stick before the game starts.
2.5. Don't shoot the puck on net after the whistle blows.
2.6. Never clear the zone up the middle -- use the boards.
2.7. Keep your head up through the neutral zone.
2.8. Don't give the opposing goalie a "snow job," spraying ice chips in his face with your skates, unless you want to pay.
2.9. If a player on your team has two goals, do all you can to get him a hat trick.

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