Talk This Way

I know this may sound odd coming from an attorney, but why do some executives talk and write this way? Why the reliance on trite and meaningless jargon, euphemisms and corporate-speak? Don't they want to be understood?

We responded during the year by launching a comprehensive structure and efficiency review, and by implementing a broad restructuring effort aimed at cutting costs and creating a more nimble, customer-oriented Intel....These actions contributed to an overall decline in headcount...and we expect headcount to decline by an additional 2,100 by mid-2007...This action impacted the future utilization of Fab 23 in Colorado...We also made public an innovative process for sustained technology leadership in microprocessors wherein we plan to introduce a new microarchitecture approximately every two years and ramp the next generation of silicon process technology in the intervening years, giving us a roadmap for continuous improvement in our major product lines.
I bet the comprehensive structure and efficiency review that led to a restructuring that reduced headcount really made the Company nimble and customer-oriented. And who can argue with an innovative process for sustained leadership? Especially one that ramps the next generation and produces a roadmap for continuous improvement...Maybe one of the "heads" who no longer count?

From the Intel Annual Report CEO's Letter

See also the Automatic Corporate Jibberish Generator that produced this stirring potential supplement to Intel's annual report:
We here at Intel Corporation realize that it is better to architect transparently than to enhance strategically. Think reality-based. Think customer-defined. Think open-source. But don't think all three at the same time. If all of this seems unimagined to you, that's because it is! It comes off as fabulous, but it's true! Imagine a combination of HTTP and Dynamic HTML. What does the standard industry buzzword "web-enabled" really mean? The metrics for methodologies are more well-understood if they are not best-of-breed. Without angel investors, you will lack e-commerce. Imagine a combination of Java and JavaScript. We believe we know that it is better to repurpose ultra-dynamically than to reintermediate efficiently. Think 1000/60/60/24/7/365. Think proactive. Think granular. But don't think all three at the same time.