Cruelty to Animals: Steelers Style
A wave of animal cruelty has the World Wildlife Federation up in arms. On the first day of this new year, a lion was found viciously mauled. A week later, a Bengal tiger was discovered horribly beaten. While the lion only had fresh wounds, the tiger appears to have been suffering regular beatings for years.
Just seven days after that, a colt was found battered. People at the scene said it kept muttering something about not getting enough protection.
Hours ago, Denver authorities found another horse, this time a bronco, wandering the streets. The horse was not physically injured, but quite dazed and confused. When asked about the incident, the hapless horse said "I was at home and everything was fine. I was about to feed my pet snake when he started choking and screaming about some sort of terrible towel following it around."
Rumor has it that the next target will be some sort of bird, a seahawk. All of the victims report trying to peek behind a giant steel curtain shortly before their incidents.
As a result, the following warning has been issued to all animals: Beware if you peek behind a steel curtain, you will get hit by THE BUS.
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